We are an intolerant race. We pass judgement quickly, instantaneously at times. This allows us a false sense of self. To belittle your actions, beliefs, attitudes, intelligence, skin color, hair length, height, weight, or any other personal characteristic, promotes a posture of "I am better than you." Remarkably, it is our own insecurities that fuel the rational of judging. We doubt our own self-worth. Unable to come to grips with the reality of "self," we have a propensity to project our deficiencies on those who surround us. This maintains the ego in a position of arbitrary dominance.
So whats to be done? One solution is simply become more aware. How often is your mental reaction, "what an idiot!" Or, "stupid son-of-a-bitch!" (these are dramatic responses; still, do you find yourself using them?) Perhaps you aren't so demonstrative. You, temperate that you are, reveal your feelings with a roll of the eyes or a slow, sad, shake of your head. Regardless, you have passed judgement. And to do so undermines you.
One other consideration is to understand the distinction between judging and evaluating. Though similar in meaning, there is a subtle difference. Evaluation insinuates an on-going process. Judgement is final. To paraphrase Edward Wallis Hoch: "There is so much good in the worst of us, and bad in the best of us, that most of us, shouldn't judge the rest of us."
*Noah Pozner
I cannot completely agree with this. I have recently passed judgment on my father's ability to drive and have taken the keys. This judgement is indeed final - and not an on-going evaluation of his ability to drive. The time of evaluaiton is over and a decision needed to be made before he killed himself or someone else. It is not that a judgement is, in and of itself, bad but the process we use to get there. I purport that the inability to judge, to be decisive, undermines us. Yes, our judgments should be open to new information and be open to new improved judgements. But at some point we need to commit to something.
ReplyDeleteVictoria
Hello Victoria. My thoughts are with you and your dad.
ReplyDeleteI believe we are arriving at the same destination from different routes. As you said; "The time of evaluation is over and a decision needed to be made..." Implied is careful consideration over a period of time. Having known you for 3 years and understanding that you have been the primary caregiver for your father during that time, I know this to be true. My point is you didn't make a snap judgement.
You also said; "It is not that a judgement is, in and of itself, bad but the PROCESS we use to get there." Couldn't agree more! My post was an attempt to point out how quickly (and often times mindlessly) we arrive at these judgements. One example would be the infamous cliche "rush to judgement." Whether politically or socially, people seem to be zealous in forming immediate opinions. That facts emerge to discount or contradict their original judgement(s) doesn't seem to matter. Their minds are made up. (A fair example might be the second link in the 1-25-13 post Contrast)
As to "...the inability to judge, to be decisive, undermines us." Absolutely true if I was professing an endless straddle of the proverbial fence. I believe an honest reading of this blog and web site would indicate I most certainly believe in a "call to action." It is the basis of that "call" that most concerns me. Is it nationalism, religious bias, politics, racism, homophobia...or a well reasoned assessment of all known facts?
Finally, you say; "Yes, our judgements should be open to new information and be open to new improved judgements." I suggest the word "opinion" is better placed than judgement in that sentence. Without bogging down in semantics, I believe opinions can be swayed, while judgements must be overturned. That is a distinction, I believe, worthy of deliberation.
Victoria, let me conclude by saying how grateful I am you took time to visit the blog (as you said you would). I have some inkling of the stress and responsibility you have shouldered lately. That you made time to stop by and comment is so very much appreciated. Enjoy your Tuesday.
Everyday I find myself judging myself as well as others. Its merely an instinctive reaction to look at myself as better than everyone else and at times worse than everyone else. Long live our ego and may we learn to be better with ourselves as well as one another
ReplyDeleteInteresting. I appreciate you putting yourself out there and expressing your views. I don't happen to share them, but "viva la difference!" Hope you come back and comment on other posts.
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