Saturday, January 30, 2016

Pimp Daddy

Abram was renamed Abraham (Genesis 17:5) by God because, "...thou shall be a father of many nations." What kind of guy did the Almighty choose to multiply so that his descendants would be, "as the stars in the heaven, and as the sand which is on the sea shore?" (Genesis 22:17) A cowardly, craven, POS (see; urban dictionary) that was ready, willing, and able, to pimp out his wife to save his own skin, that's who. Take a look at Genesis Chapter 12 if you don't believe me.

Heading south from Canaan into Egypt due to famine, Abram says to his wife Sarai; (verse 12-15) "...when the Egyptians shall see thee, that they shall say, This is his wife: and they will kill me, but they will save thee alive. Say, I pray thee, thou art my sister: that it might be well with ME for thy sake; and my soul shall live because of thee. And it came to pass, that, when Abram was come into Egypt, the Egyptians beheld the woman that she was very fair. The princes also of Pharaoh saw her and commended her before Pharaoh: and the woman was taken into Pharaoh's house."

Abram receives "...sheep, and oxen, and he asses, and menservants, and maidservants, and she asses, and camels" for her sake." (verse 16) This means in payment. I (Pharaoh) get the woman, you get all of the above. But God threatens Pharaoh in a dream with, "great plagues because of Sarai Abram's wife." Pharaoh naturally goes to Abram and asks what kind of game he is playing ("what is this thou hast done unto me? why didst thou not tell me that she was your wife?"-verse 18) and boots him out of the country. No mention of the Pharaoh demanding all-of-the-above, back.

Apparently this scam worked so well that God and recently christened Abraham (see above) run it again. Chapter 20 reveals Abraham sojourning south toward Gerar. Here the same scenario unfolds with King Abimelech. He takes Sarah (renamed at Genesis 17:15) because Abraham tells him she is his sister. Another dream, (this time though, death is threatened--verse 3) and another bewildered royal asking, "what sawest thou, that thou hast done this thing?" (verse 10) Abraham offers up the same pathetic story: "they will slay me for my wife's sake." (verse 11) Naturally, such integrity must be rewarded, so we read in verse 14; "And Abimelech took sheep, and oxen, and menservants and women servants, and gave them unto Abraham, and restored him Sarah his wife." Abimelech actually throws in an additional thousand pieces of silver, so that, "thus she was reproved." (verse 16)

A good father teaches his son a trade, and Abraham isn't any exception. Chapter 26 of Genesis has his son Isaac use the same old con game on the ultra gullible Abimelech. Same story line, (Rebekah is his sister; verse 7) same rational, (fear for his own life) same [implied] results. (see verse 12 and 13 after Abimelech's speech, verse 10 and 11) We can rest assured, however, that in each case the propriety of Sarah and Rebekah was preserved--no matter that the most powerful man in each region had been played for a fool. God set things right by threatening the innocent with "plagues" or "death" if they didn't restore the here-to-for unknown wife to their despicable husbands. And be sure to kick in a bundle of goodies for the deception.

Of course these accounts are preposterous. God as depicted (all-powerful) could have easily prevented the lustful eye and action of Pharaoh or King. But for some reason it is allowed--and the stories indicate it was for ill-gotten gains. The innocent are duped so our man of God gets rich. I guess the truth is, like Baby Powder in the movie "How High," we can claim: "I'm gonna tell you something, this pimpin' I got in my blood, it came from a family tree. My granddaddy was a pimp. My great-great-great granddaddy was a pimp. I'm talking about pimpin' since been pimpin' since been pimpin'! It's in my blood."