Heaven or Hell

(the fact of the matter I'd choose the latter)

Lend me your ear
'Cause I want to make it clear
That I fear you'll miss something
If you don't listen to me
It's free, won't cost you a dime
Just a little time, so listen...

I was spending all kinds of mind time
Searching for God, was he a fraud?
Was it a lie, this guy?
And how 'bout the devil
Was he on the level?
I was determined to find out, about
Heaven and hell
Well it happened in May
On the twenty-second day
That through some mysterious way
I found myself in the park, right after dark
And there, for all to behold
Was a fellow sold
On the Golden Rule
With Bible in hand
He had taken a stand
Against that evil dude
And I started to brood
Was Satan so bad
Such a miserable cad
That he deserved such a verbal lashing?
It wasn't right, I was getting uptight
And I asked for positive proof
Something to act as a roof
To shelter and protect
Against possible defect
In this man's house of belief
And it was with relief that he answered me
Young man I'm glad you asked the question because:
I've come to tell a story
I've come to tell a tale
I've come to stretch the truth
More than Jonah and the Whale
With that he tapped his Bible
And swore that he'd stand liable
If one falsehood, deception, concealment, distortion, and or misrepresentation of the truth so much as crossed his lips-
Then he launched
With faith true and staunch
Into the story of a carpenters' son
Who had played in early AD
Near a sea called Galilee
But it seems this Jesus had
Provoked the prevailing fad
And crossed a number of Jews, who's views
Differed somewhat in their technical aspect than his own
The outcome of course, resulted in force
And the trial that was set was a fix
Without much ado
They said, "we want you
And let Barabbas go free."
The verdict was in
King of the Jews his sin
And they tortured the man on a cross
Laid him for dead under moss
But it is now a fact
This was Christ's second act!
And not the close of the show at all
For it seems he arose, bid adios
And returned to his home and his Father
But he left word for his friends to make amends
And be sure to live their life's in love
For above, that's what it was all about
He did also state, on some later date
He'd return to adjourn the world as we know it
But never to fear, he's near
and hears our thoughts and prayers

Well! It seems as that man spoke, I suddenly woke
From a life filled with sin and corruption
With no doubt in my mind
The course that I'd find
Was one in the footsteps of Christ
The rest of my life was one filled with strife
As I struggled to stay in good standing
Just imagine the weight
Of supporting the freight
That a man of virtue must carry
When my life had played out
Due to a case of the gout
I was weary and ready to go
Then picture the shock
As the gates were unlocked
And the scene before me revealed
The heaven on high was a terrible lie
And nothing at all what I thought
Foreseen as serene, but boy what a dream
This place was laced with presumption
The insolence they wore was quickly a bore
And the greatest of all was the Christ
His haughtiness in fact, was devoid of all tact
And in his greeting to me, he explained you see
"The lowly aren't holy, and off limits to all personnel."
Without a moment to waste, I turned in all haste
And beat a retreat to the gates
But Peter in glee, had hidden his key
And it looked, as if I were booked
For a long term engagement...

Reports would come in
On the Kingdom of Sin
And the party they were having below
All the friends that I knew
Lived in that Paradise of red-hue
Burning, but learning, how to enjoy
And though I did not sweat
You could make an odds-on bet
That if I had a choice, I'd rejoice
To be there with them
For my days are filled with loneliness
My nights are just as bad
Spent in contemplation
On all the fun I might have had!
So let this be a teaching
If but one of you are reaching
For salvation as you know it, please forgo it!
For the final truth is found
Six feet underground
But by then it's much too late
Once you reach that pearly gate
The lesson that you'll learn
It's a helluva lot nicer just to burn

~WPG

(Parody: treating a serious subject in a nonsensical manner, as in ridicule)