Sunday, April 5, 2015

Triple Play

"Oh Vi, you're making fun of me," Wonder asserted. "How am I ever going to figure things out if you keep teasing me?"

"Well Wonder, it is important to maintain one's sense of humor when talking about the Deity," Virtue insisted. "Did you know the Lord goes around introducing Himself as Al?"

Wonder gasped, "The Lord calls himself Al, Vi?"

Virtue struggled to maintain a straight face saying, "Yes He does Wonder--Al Mighty! In fact He insists his full title is, 'Good God Al Mighty.' "

Wonder bit his lip and looked at Virtue with reproach. "Vi, you blaspheme."

Virtue glanced at Wonder with kindness. She gently took his arm and said, "lets sit down for awhile Wonder," and led him off the trail to a small glade. Once they had settled in, Virtue asked for his undivided attention and told him the following story:

"At the beginning Wonder, the Lord of Creation said to the Lady, 'with everything We have fashioned, how are We going to keep Our shit together?' (here Wonder gasped yet again) The Lady, with only a slight raise of an eyebrow, suggested there might be a less crude way of putting it, but that yes, definitely, Creation would produce large amounts of waste. Whimsy, who was there at the beginning and a vital component of the creation process, suggested that 'poop in a group' was more refined, and that he thought he had the answer--'shit kickers.' The Lady concluded this wasn't solving the problem of 'good taste,' insofar as terminology was concerned. Well, Whimsy was up to the task and provided an alternative; 'dung beetle'. But he asked that the beetle push the shit with his feet, no! no! with his BACK feet, head pointed the opposite way! As the Lady contemplated the idea, murmuring, 'perhaps a poo pushing beetle would work,' the Lord commented, 'how in the world are they going to be able to sustain a straight line?' Whimsy, by now totally enamored with his notion, said to make it so they navigate--steer--by stars million and millions of miles away. The Lord of Creation asked Whimsy 'why so grandiose?' to which Whimsy responded, 'to keep humans humble.'

"So...that's the end of the story, Vi?"

"Well, its the end of the point I am trying to share with you Wonder. Humans believing that they can 'blaspheme' is the height of arrogance. It would be as though an electron in your body was saying that YOU were illegitimate or counterfeit. The electron's existence is dependent on the very thing it would repudiate. It is inconsequential ignorance. The Lord and Lady care far less what you say as what you do. Remember that. Even if you are no more than a poo pusher."

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